A Brief and Uninformative Lecture on Nobles and Cheese
by TheThirdJedi
Summary: In which Alistair attempts to explain the concept of Banns, Arls, and Teyrns to the Dalish Grey Warden. A one shot with a slight dusting of Alistair/F!Mahariel. My first story, reviews appreciated.


A Brief and Uninformative Lecture on Politics

"Alistair?"

The Warden in question glanced up from the blade he was sharpening and quirked his eyebrow at Lynn, the Dalish archer and fellow Grey Warden.

He could see it in her eyes, the question she had kept bottled up since they cured Arl Eamon and left Redcliffe. When they first arrived in the town, she virtually shrunk back as he talked to Bann Teagan, and after their recovery of the ashes and curing of Arl Eamon, the elf had let Alistair do the majority the negotiations with the Bann and Arl. While, she put on a brave face, he could tell she was completely confused during the talks. Now, back at camp, it appeared she was finally ready to speak her mind.

"Yeeeeeesss?" the blonde couldn't help but be a little smug. He was in her same position a month back, when they met the Dalish clan in that cursed forest. He still didn't understand how anything got accomplished in their odd system…

The elf blew right past his smugness and blurted out what she had been mulling over for so long, "What in the name of the Creators is an Arl? Or a Bann?" she asked with a scrunched face, pronouncing the foreign words. "I mean, I get that they're important, but what are they?" she looked expectedly at the human sitting across from her.

The blonde set down his long sword and took a deep breath as he composed his thoughts. _This is going to take awhile…_

"Well, you're not wrong," he started, "Arl Eamon and Bann Teagan are both important people."

The rogue continued to stare at him, ready to hear the rest of his lecture. The former Templar cringed inwardly when he realized that she was going to expect a highly detailed explanation. One he feared he wouldn't be able to provide.

"OK, so at the very top are a king and a queen. Well, there was a king. I mean, the queen is still alive, but Loghain is in charge of everything" Looking back to Lynn, he was met with a blank stare. _Good work you bloody fool, why not confuse her some more!_

Composing his thoughts once more, he decided to take a different route. "Alright, so you have a Keeper and a Co-Keeper who both ru-"

"There's no such thing as a Co-Keeper." Lynn blandly interrupted him. "There's just the Keeper."

Glaring at her, Alistair continued on the path he was trying to go down. "Anyway, the Keeper rules over the clan, right?" After receiving a nod, he carried on. "Well, there are many people within the clan, and the Keeper can't just rule over everybody, so he appoints several people to help him rule, like the Keeper's First."

After getting another nod from the elf, Alistair continued, "Imagine if the Keeper ruled over thousands of people across a massive area!" he stated while stretching his hands for dramatic effect, "He can't just have one First, so he as to appoint, say, three."

Off to his left, he could see Sten looking at him rather oddly, and after peering around the rest of the camp, Alistair realized almost everyone in their party, except Morrigan, was paying attention to his lecture.

Feeling his cheeks warm, he looked back to Lynn, who was still looking at him blankly. Coughing awkwardly, he began speaking once more.

"Well, in the human world we have the king at the top and his vassals below him. The king, being the guy in charge of it all, deserves all the cheese in the kingdom. The king's vassals are supposed to give a portion of all their cheese to the king, but in order to do this, he has to appoint helpers. Imagine for a minute that the Keeper's Firsts are what are known as Teyrns." Looking to back to the archer, Alistair saw her cock her head to the side, but was still following the line of thought.

"Because there are so many people, the Teyrns have to appoint Firsts of their own, known as Arls. Well, these Arls also have to appoint Firsts, known as Banns. The Banns control small villages or cities which produce lots of cheese, Arls oversee these multiple holdings and the cheese production, and the Teyrns oversee and control all of it, and at the end of the day, the king owns all of Ferelden and it's incredible cheese storage!" Smiling and crossing his arms, Alistair felt a sense of satisfaction at seeing Lynn nod and understand it. Unfortunately, his companions felt the need to ruin everything he just built.

Burping, Oghren was the first to comment. "Well, ain't that just nice… A human king lording over the dwarves, ain't like we don't have a king of our own. Cheese ain't even all that magical." Oghren rolled his eyes at seeing Alistair sputter and think of a response.

Wynne followed quickly after Oghren, "And what of the Circle Of Magi, hmm? Are they controlled by an Arl or Bann? Is the First Enchanter a Teyrn, or is that the Knight-Commander?" Wynne raised her eyebrow, clearly expecting an answer.

Leliana giggled at the young man's misfortune and Sten scoffed and wandered off to patrol the perimeter. Zevran merely smirked and also left to do whatever it is elven assassins do in their spare time. _Off swooping on unsuspecting innocents most likely…_

Glaring at the lot of them, Alistair looked back to the spot where his fellow Warden occupied only to find it… Lynnless. Jumping at a sudden touch, Alistair found the previously missing elf to be wrapping her arms around his neck from the back, perching her chin on his head. Alistair, blushing profusely, started to apologize only for the Dalish rouge to soothe him.

"I don't even need to know any of this with you around." she stated smugly, obviously understanding more than she let on. "Have fun with all your gross cheese, your highness." She said sarcastically and with a kiss on the cheek of an even brighter red Alistair, she wandered off to her tent, turned, winked, and retired for the evening.

Only a stunned royal bastard was left sitting on a log in the middle of nowhere, as his various companions dispersed.

_Maker help me, I think I'm in love with cheese hating woman._


End file.
